Prepare The Temple

Prepare the Temple

Can't you see how sliding down 
that slippery slope destroys you?

It robs you of health, wealth, peace of mind, and joy of life.

Every time you feed those cravings, those addictions, 

you attract a multitude of similar energies 
that glob on and enjoy the ride, 

urging you to succumb with every choice you make.

This is life or death...

and the death is a slow one as your vitality 
bleeds out by milliseconds

until you're snuffed out like a quivering candle flame.

God calls us to LIVE.

He's given us that double-edged sword of free will.

We can do it our own way, under our own steam,

beating ourselves into behaving, 
then delighting in our naughtiness.

We think we're getting away with something.

No one can tell US what to do!

So we unwittingly invite Guilt, Shame, 
and Rebellion to reside within us,

 and they run the show.

Guilt makes us feel we can do nothing right.

Shame makes us feel everything we do is wrong,

and Rebellion tells us we can do no wrong.

Once this Terrible Trio takes over, you're doomed.

They duke it out, fighting over your life force 
like bitter spouses in a custody battle,

tearing your integrity to pieces.

And then, Control comes waltzing in.

Control tells us if we follow these rules, cross off our to do lists, do good works, keep up appearances, impress the neighbors, keep our houses clean, raise perfect children, excel at our jobs, do our 20 minute workouts, run our 5Ks, rescue the messed-up, 
judge the screw-ups, 

and play our part to perfection, 

we will be worthy.

It is never enough.

   We starve our minds of positive input.

   We starve our bodies of necessary nourishment.

   We ignore our emotions.

   We neglect our spirits until we feel dead inside.

  Then we indulge ourselves as we desperately try to fill 
that God-shaped vacuum within us.

I have seen a glimpse of another way of being.

I have breathed it in.

I have felt it in my bones.

I have lifted my face to the sun and thought, “It is good.”

I have been bathed in bliss.

I have laughed with joy.

I have rested in peace.

I have lived in a constant state of love.

I know I'm there when I see 

that my eyes sparkle, 

my hair shines, 

my skin glows, 

and my smile is radiant.

I'm content in the knowledge 
that I am called to be a blessing, 

to have a willing servant's heart, 
to offer comfort and healing, 

beauty and grace, giggles and belly laughs, 

and to inspire transformation.

Every moment I surrender to God's will.

Every choice I make, I ask for God's guidance.

Every breath I breathe in the Holy Spirit.

Ask, then listen.

Seek, then see.

Find, and receive.

Prepare the Temple.

My Life as a Super Plus Sized Woman

Some of my Supersized Woman Pics. I weighed around 295 lbs, and wore 6X-7X size clothes.

The most "likes" I've ever gotten on Facebook is when I've posted any significant amount of weight loss. Along with words of encouragement, so many have asked me, "What are you doing?" I'm shrinking! I'm embracing my tiny little pixie fairy hobbit self instead of trying to be larger than life. I'm not biting off more than I can chew, I don't have too much on my plate, and I don't find things difficult to swallow. I'm comfortable in my skin, I love my face, and I cherish my circa 1961 body. I sleep when I'm tired, sometimes 8 hours a night, sometimes 12 hours, depending on how much energy I've expended during the day. I drink water or tea when I'm thirsty, I eat when I'm hungry, I move when I have energy, I rest when I'm drained. I listen to my body. 

I've learned to feed my hunger, not my cravings. When you feed your cravings, you simply crave more. You're never satisfied. 
  
When you're trapped in a 315 pound chrysalis of fat, life is very difficult. Your body is incredibly inconvenient and a bother, and upkeep simply wears a person out. Imagine draping a waterbed over your shoulders, front and back, 'til it hangs down to your knees, and then try to walk in that thing. Try to get in and out of cars, booths in restaurants, bathtubs, tiny public bathrooms, or even an MRI machine. I was constantly dissociating myself from the painful experience of being in my body. It hurt physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My beautiful soul felt trapped in this unwieldy vehicle, and I longed for escape.

The act of eating has caused me immense guilt and shame since I was around 6. At some point, I decided to quit feeling guilty about every bite I put in my mouth, and just ate what I wanted. I did succeed in breaking my feast or famine approach to food. I chose to feast, though not as much as you might think. I feasted mildly, but consistently, not usually binging, but also not limiting my food choices or intake. Desperate to alter my moods, I usually chose the sedating effects of carbs to calm me down. The more I ate, the more I'd crave, and the cycle continued until I became an insulin dependent diabetic. Then things got really crazy! The higher my blood sugar, the more insulin I'd take. The more insulin I took, the more my body craved sugar. I was on the diabetic roller coaster ride from hell, and I couldn't get off.

I had several wake-up calls, including a horrific trip to the E.R. after drinking too much whiskey which caused my blood sugar to plummet, which is a very dangerous condition. I knew I was looking into the abyss of an untimely death, and I realized I was not ready to die.

So the first thing I had to do was to admit I had a death wish. 

The second thing I had to do was choose to live.