My Life as a Super Plus Sized Woman

Some of my Supersized Woman Pics. I weighed around 295 lbs, and wore 6X-7X size clothes.

The most "likes" I've ever gotten on Facebook is when I've posted any significant amount of weight loss. Along with words of encouragement, so many have asked me, "What are you doing?" I'm shrinking! I'm embracing my tiny little pixie fairy hobbit self instead of trying to be larger than life. I'm not biting off more than I can chew, I don't have too much on my plate, and I don't find things difficult to swallow. I'm comfortable in my skin, I love my face, and I cherish my circa 1961 body. I sleep when I'm tired, sometimes 8 hours a night, sometimes 12 hours, depending on how much energy I've expended during the day. I drink water or tea when I'm thirsty, I eat when I'm hungry, I move when I have energy, I rest when I'm drained. I listen to my body. 

I've learned to feed my hunger, not my cravings. When you feed your cravings, you simply crave more. You're never satisfied. 
  
When you're trapped in a 315 pound chrysalis of fat, life is very difficult. Your body is incredibly inconvenient and a bother, and upkeep simply wears a person out. Imagine draping a waterbed over your shoulders, front and back, 'til it hangs down to your knees, and then try to walk in that thing. Try to get in and out of cars, booths in restaurants, bathtubs, tiny public bathrooms, or even an MRI machine. I was constantly dissociating myself from the painful experience of being in my body. It hurt physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My beautiful soul felt trapped in this unwieldy vehicle, and I longed for escape.

The act of eating has caused me immense guilt and shame since I was around 6. At some point, I decided to quit feeling guilty about every bite I put in my mouth, and just ate what I wanted. I did succeed in breaking my feast or famine approach to food. I chose to feast, though not as much as you might think. I feasted mildly, but consistently, not usually binging, but also not limiting my food choices or intake. Desperate to alter my moods, I usually chose the sedating effects of carbs to calm me down. The more I ate, the more I'd crave, and the cycle continued until I became an insulin dependent diabetic. Then things got really crazy! The higher my blood sugar, the more insulin I'd take. The more insulin I took, the more my body craved sugar. I was on the diabetic roller coaster ride from hell, and I couldn't get off.

I had several wake-up calls, including a horrific trip to the E.R. after drinking too much whiskey which caused my blood sugar to plummet, which is a very dangerous condition. I knew I was looking into the abyss of an untimely death, and I realized I was not ready to die.

So the first thing I had to do was to admit I had a death wish. 

The second thing I had to do was choose to live.